My Period Vol.039 - "It can't be helped because it's my period." I hid it, endured it, and lived through it. When I let go of that, the world changed.

MARIN TANABE, 24 years old, currently training in Australia

Menarche: 6th grade (11-12 years old)

Current average number of menstrual days: None (taking Dienogest)

Current average menstrual cycle: None (taking Dienogest)

Sanitary products currently used: When irregular bleeding occurs due to Dienogest, I use small napkins or panty liners.

-What day was your period?

Before going to the hospital, there were days of fear and hell, days when I truly wished I wouldn't come, days when it hurt.
After I went to the hospital and started taking medication, the pain subsided and I wasn't as scared as I used to be.

-What image comes to mind when you hear the word "menstruation"?

Blood. Pain. Musician Alanis Morissette (her voice and the sound of her instruments evoke menstrual cramps), musician Halsey (who herself suffered from endometriosis and whose screaming style evokes menstruation).

- From here on, I'd like to look back on half of my life, focusing on menstruation. When was your first period? How do you remember it?

I got my first period when I was in the 1st grade of elementary school. I don't remember much about it at the time. I think it was because it wasn't such a shocking event to me. My friends around me would say things like, "Has it come?" or "Isn't it about time?", and I had a fair amount of knowledge from my mother and school, so I was prepared, and so I wasn't surprised when it actually came.

One vivid memory from my period in elementary school was leaking at school. I used my disaster hood as a cushion on my classroom chair, and my period leaked onto it. I happened to be wearing a red dress, so I couldn't see the stain on my clothes, but the blood stain on my hood was impossible to hide. I panicked, wondering how I was going to get it home and wash it. Since we didn't normally take our disaster hoods home, I was worried that if I were the only one to suddenly take one home, people around me might notice. I was nervous, but I managed to get it home. When I brought it back to school, my male teacher noticed and asked me, "What's wrong?" I couldn't bring myself to tell him I was on my period, so I just made up some excuse. No one told me that, but I think I had begun to think of periods as something "embarrassing" and "something that should be hidden."

This awareness was also evident in other situations. For example, when changing pads in school or public restrooms, I would hide them and carry them, and I was always on edge to avoid making any crinkling noises when opening the bag.

Meanwhile, at home, I was able to talk openly. I regularly took baths with my mother, so even before my first period, I had the opportunity to see her menstrual blood in the bathroom, and I naturally learned about menstruation. My mother taught me about blood flowing, stomach aches, and the use of sanitary napkins.

- What changes have occurred since you graduated from elementary school?

When I entered junior high school, more people were experiencing periods, so girls could naturally have conversations with each other, such as, "Today is the second day, so I'm going to skip swimming class," or "I'm on my period right now." However, since it was a co-ed school, I still carried my sanitary napkins around, hiding them by wrapping them in a towel or putting them in my pocket.

I was in the soft tennis club, and we practiced hard under the scorching sun every day. When I entered junior high school, I started to experience menstrual cramps, and there were days when my stomach hurt so much I couldn't get out of bed. But I thought it was bad to take a day off because of my period, so I often forced myself to go.

From that time on, my periods started to become increasingly painful, with blood clots mixed in and the amount of bleeding becoming so heavy that even nighttime pads were not enough.

My mother had experienced uterine fibroids and suffered from severe menstrual pain. That's why I often consulted her about how to take painkillers. Although I was comforted by her advice to "don't push yourself too hard," I thought, "That's just how periods are, so there's nothing I can do about it," and never even considered going to a gynecologist.

- What path did you take after graduating from junior high school? Did your period change?

I went to an all-girls high school. I no longer felt the tension of having to hide anything, and I felt liberated. I would throw pads to kids who had forgotten their sanitary products, and when we were sitting on the floor with our legs crossed, my friends would call out to each other and say, "Let us know if you leak." It was a very open atmosphere.

However, after I entered high school, my period pains became even worse, and sometimes it was even difficult for me to sit in a chair. My liver-like menstrual blood also increased, and I began to vaguely feel that maybe there was something abnormal about me. Still, I never thought about going to the gynecologist, and just got by with painkillers. Even then, I still thought of it as something that "can't be helped" and not an illness.

- Tell me about what you did after graduating from high school.

I went on to art school, which was once again co-ed, but thanks to the openness I had cultivated at my all-girls school, I was able to talk about menstruation with both men and women.

Meanwhile, my period pains became even more severe. I would suddenly experience sharp pains while walking that made it difficult to breathe, and I would be hit with excruciating pain when defecating. During creative activities at university, I was in the middle of cutting supplies when I couldn't bear the pain any more and asked a friend to take over for me. It was a relief that we were in a relationship where we could be honest with each other, but I often forced myself to act cheerful, not wanting to show my distress or make others feel uncomfortable.

My periods had been getting heavier every year, and the turning point came around my second or third year of university. I finally went to see a gynecologist. I thought, "This is definitely not right," so I made an appointment to see the gynecologist at a nearby general hospital. When I explained my symptoms, I was diagnosed with "dysmenorrhea."

When I took the prescribed low-dose pill, the intense pain and heavy bleeding I had been experiencing suddenly subsided, and I felt like the world had changed. I remember talking to my mother and friends and saying, "If I'd known this would happen, I should have gone sooner."

However, this easy period didn't last long.
A few months later, in the middle of the night, I was hit with intense pain and nausea like I had never felt before. I was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with endometriosis. Nothing serious happened at the time, and the symptoms subsided, so I was able to return home soon after. However, I went to the gynecologist again and was told to switch from the pill to dienogest (a drug used to treat endometriosis).
After that, I had irregular bleeding as a side effect for two or three months, and although it wasn't painful, I was constantly bleeding. Having to take it at fixed times every day, morning and night after meals, was also stressful. I went back to the pill for a while, but during follow-up, it was discovered that my endometriosis was progressing, and that I had also developed a mature teratoma, a tumor that forms in the ovaries, and that it was growing larger, so I was recommended to have surgery.

I went to a specialist hospital to have surgery, but I was scared of the procedure and kept putting it off for several months. However, when my doctor told me, "If it were me, I would have the surgery right away," I made up my mind and had the surgery during the spring break of my fourth year of university.

The day before the surgery, I was thinking about a lot of things while lying in bed in my hospital room, and I thought, "I want people who are suffering from the pain of their periods to know what I've experienced and what I'm feeling," so I posted my thoughts on social media. I was surprised by the response, with many people saying things like, "I'm experiencing the same pain," and "I'll go to the hospital." I realized that my experience could be a catalyst for someone.

After the surgery, the pain improved significantly, and I was able to live a stable life while continuing to take Dienogest.

While I was hospitalized, I had a strong desire to "use this painful experience in a positive way," so I chose menstruation as the theme for my graduation project. Looking back on the past when I had endured it by believing that "menstruation is not an illness," I wanted to create something that would inspire people to learn about and think about menstruation.

So we interviewed around 130 people of various ages, genders and nationalities, asking them, "What does menstruation mean to you?" and then presented a fashion show and concept movie that incorporated their opinions into clothing. Rather than just focusing on negative aspects like pain, blood or gore, we aimed to create something that viewers could enjoy and be interested in in a pop way. We chose clothing as a medium of expression because everyone wears clothes as a matter of course, and we wanted to convey the idea that menstruation is not something that only happens to other people, but something that affects each and every one of us.

The professor's evaluation was not very sympathetic, partly because the audience was all male. I felt that the reactions varied depending on gender (whether menstruating or not), but I was very happy to receive so many positive reactions from those who watched it.

- What happened to your career path and period after that?

After graduating, I got a job at a design company. Because I had been taking Dienogest for a long time and had stopped my period, I was hardly bothered by my period during my working life and was able to immerse myself in my work. I worked at the company I joined as a new graduate for a year, and it was a year in which I got to know people. I realized that there are people with all kinds of values, and I think it was a period in which I learned how to communicate with people who have different values.

For my next career path, I decided to do a year's working holiday in Australia. There is an Australian art director I love who was the reason I went to art school, and I suddenly thought I wanted to go and meet him. I'm in my early twenties, and no matter what happens in life, I can still start over, so I decided to live my life meeting the people I want to meet and doing the things I want to do.

So now I'm living in Sydney. I managed to get in touch with the art director, and he replied that we should meet for coffee and talk, so I definitely want to make that happen.

-Looking back on your period, what do you think now?

It all started with the feeling that I had to hide it in elementary school, and then I endured it and suffered until I finally went to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had to undergo surgery. Looking back now, I wish I could tell the part of me that thought, "It's just my period, so there's nothing I can do about it," to go to the hospital sooner.

I used to be the type of person who would immediately go to the hospital if I caught a cold, but when it came to my period, no matter how painful it was, I couldn't bring myself to go to the hospital because I had been imprinted with the idea that "menstruation is not an illness, so I just have to endure it." And I think this applies to many people, not just me. That's why I really want more people to know about menstruation and make it something that affects them, even if just a little.

I will be in Australia for a while, so I hope to learn about and talk about menstruation there and expand my connections.

Note: "My Period" aims to provide an opportunity to think about and talk about menstruation, an issue that is often hidden, by recording and sharing how people of various generations and backgrounds have dealt with it. It does not endorse any specific products, services, or methods of coping. The content posted is based on each person's personal experience, so if you have any symptoms that concern you, please consult a medical institution.