My Period Vol.019 - Raising children without hiding their period: Nurturing compassion and understanding in children

Cumi, 41 years old, Thrift Store Owner and SISIFILLE team member

Menarche: 5th grade of elementary school (age 11)

Current average period length: 5 days

Current average menstrual cycle: 28 days

Currently used sanitary products: organic cotton pads, cloth pads, absorbent shorts

-What day is your period?

A day to face your body, a day to take care of yourself without overdoing it, a day to feel connected to nature.

-What image comes to mind when you hear the word "menstruation"?

Purification, Moon, Rest

- From here on, I'd like to look back on half of my life, focusing on menstruation. When was your first period? How do you remember it?

It was when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school. At the time, my father was working and we lived in Surabaya, Indonesia, and I attended a Japanese school there. It was a small integrated elementary and junior high school with about 50 students, one class per grade. There were five of us in my grade at the time, my teacher was a man, and all my classmates were boys. Because of this environment, I spent my days running around outside with the other kids in my class and playing in the mud.

But when I got my first period, I felt like a boundary had been drawn between me and my friends. When my teacher congratulated me, I didn't understand what was so auspicious about it, and I was frustrated that I couldn't go into the pool with everyone else. I remember feeling a strong sense of frustration and irritation. I was confronted with the fact that I was different from the boys I had thought were the same as me, and I think it was around that time that I started to become aware of the differences between boys' and girls' bodies.

Without me realizing it, my teacher had found out that I had started my period. Since it's summer all year round in Indonesia, we have swimming lessons every week, and I think my mother had told me in advance that I might miss some because of my period. I remember very clearly that when the teacher congratulated me, there was a sense that he was being considerate. He said it quietly when no one was around. I was embarrassed at the time and didn't know how to react properly, but now I'm grateful for his kindness.

I returned to Japan in the sixth grade, transferred to a Japanese elementary school, graduated, and continued on to a Japanese junior high school. What I remember about my period in junior high is that my friends and I would call it "that day" or "ketchup." I think there was a strong atmosphere that it was not okay to use the word "period" in public. Aside from the word itself, there was also an atmosphere that it was best not to let others know that you were on your period. If I took my pouch of sanitary napkins to the bathroom, they would realize I was on my period, so I remember quickly putting my sanitary napkins in the sleeve of my tracksuit or uniform in my bag and going to the bathroom without my pouch to change them.

-How did you change when you became a high school student?

Since I started high school, my period pain has gotten worse. My stomach hurt so much that I didn't feel like doing anything, and on the first and second days of my period, when it was so painful, I would sometimes miss school or even leave early.

Also, I didn't have the same understanding of my menstrual flow and cycle as I do now, so I often stained my panties and sheets with menstrual blood. At some point in my life, we got into the habit of hand-washing our underwear before putting it in the washing machine, so when my panties got dirty, I naturally washed them myself.

-What were your periods like after graduating from high school and into your 20s?

It was a very busy time, with me giving my all to both work and play, and I had so much I wanted to do that I treated my period as if it were just a hindrance. I suppressed menstrual pain with medicine, and even though it was painful, I just endured it and pushed forward. I suffer from anemia, and I collapsed while working part-time and had to be taken to the hospital a couple of times. But I just ignored my physical discomfort and let it go.

After graduating from university, I got a job at an apparel company. I worked late into the night every day, then went out drinking and partying late into the night, sometimes even into the early hours. Looking back, it was a pretty tough life, but when I was around 25, I started to question that way of working. I was starting to lose motivation for my work, and I began to feel like I wanted a change of scenery. That's when I asked my boyfriend (now my husband), with whom I was living together, "Do you want to get married? If not, I want to take some time apart." We had originally been living together with an eye to the future, but before we knew it, our cohabitation period had dragged on and I also wanted a change of scenery, so after some discussion, we decided to get married.

After that, my husband told me he wanted to work in America, and I had also been wanting a change of environment, so I encouraged him, saying, "Great! Let's go!" We quit our jobs and moved to America together. I was 27 years old at the time. People around me said, "It's a shame you've built up a career," but I was so determined to change the environment I was in that I never wavered.

During my year in the United States, I lived a slow life, volunteering instead of working, and spent time thinking about my life and the lives of my husband and myself, including how I wanted to live my life from now on.

In fact, I had an abortion when I was a university student. I've always loved children and wanted to have them, but I still had other things I wanted to do, and I didn't have the confidence to do them while having a child, so in the end I couldn't make the decision to have the baby. The surgery was over in a flash, and the next day I was back at work as if nothing had happened. I shut myself away, not telling anyone, not even my family, except for a few close friends. I thought I would have to carry the guilt and pain alone forever, and I felt very lonely. The vague desire I had had to have children suddenly collapsed, and I could no longer imagine a future with children.

However, a few years later, my father, who had been battling an illness before I moved to the US, passed away, and then the Great East Japan Earthquake occurred, giving me many opportunities to think about life, and little by little, my feelings began to change. After that, through volunteer work in the US, I spent time interacting with children and their families in places rich in nature, and I began to think that, in my current state of mind, I might be able to give birth to and raise a child. Feeling this change in my mindset, I returned to Japan at the age of 28 after a year in the US.

After returning to Japan, I wanted to continue working in clothing production while learning about the organic cotton I had encountered in America and its background, so I ended up working for a company that handled organic cotton. At the same time as wanting to work hard, I couldn't leave behind the desire to have and raise a child that had begun to grow again, so I told my husband, "I want a child right now." He accepted, saying he wasn't sure if it would be possible, but we should try, and we eventually had a child, giving birth at the age of 30.

-Have you noticed any changes since you entered your 30s?

For a while after giving birth, my physical constitution changed dramatically. Before my period started again, I started to suffer from rashes and itching shortly after giving birth. I was surprised because I hadn't had any skin problems before having a child. Nursing pads became so itchy that I even developed eczema, and I couldn't use the ones I had been using normally. Then I tried pressing some scraps of organic cotton against my chest, and they felt incredibly comfortable. I discovered a texture that relieved the rash and itchiness and delighted my body.

I realized that I needed to experience the changes in my body and accept them. This experience made me more aware of the signs I was giving myself.

After my period started again, I started using cloth pads, which were much more comfortable than I expected, and felt like they relaxed my body. However, I also realized how difficult it was to use cloth pads while also caring for a baby... At that time, the company I was working for decided to move forward with a project for disposable organic cotton pads that I had been thinking about for several years, and I was put in charge of launching the brand. I was happy to be able to plan and develop something that I would actually want to use. And so, in 2015, I launched SISIFILLE.

After that, I gave birth to my second child, and a year later I returned to the San Francisco Bay Area in the United States. It has been six years since I moved to the United States. When I moved, I quit my job and focused on spending time with my children, and I gradually shifted to a rhythm of resting and taking it easy during my period.

After moving to the US, I found myself in an environment where I didn't have any relatives other than my husband that I could rely on without hesitation, and I spent a lot of time raising my child alone, so I had nowhere to turn when I got sick or had a hard time with my period. So, I decided to stop holding it in, and from then on, I got into the habit of honestly communicating my condition and emotions to my family. Although sometimes it feels more like an emotional outburst than actually communicating (laughs).

Even when I was feeling unwell during my period and was grumpy with my children, I started to say things like, "I was so harsh to you yesterday because I was feeling unwell due to my period. I'm sorry."
I think my children didn't really understand at first, but I gradually explained in detail what role menstruation plays and what symptoms it causes. This gradually increased the children's understanding of menstruation. My eldest son, who is 11 years old (a fifth-grader in elementary school), is particularly concerned about me, saying things like, "A woman's period is necessary for making a baby," "Mommy, you have your period, so sit down," and "Shall I help you?" When my children complain of stomach pain, I put a warm towel on their stomachs, and my eldest son imitates me and does the same when I lie down with period pains.

I think that talking about menstruation from a young age and not hiding it will have a very positive impact on boys who have never experienced it. I recently started talking about sex education with my son, and he seemed to understand it well, as we were able to connect it to what we've been teaching him about menstruation. Because he never experiences menstruation himself, he gets to see and feel what it's like for a woman when she's on her period through his mother, who is close to him. I think that experiencing this at a young age will lead to him being able to support his partner and those around him in the future.

-Have you noticed any changes since you turned 40?

Recently, I have been feeling that my body is gradually changing. Up until now, I was the type of person who could sleep anytime, anywhere, but recently I have been waking up in the middle of the night, and once I wake up, I can't fall back asleep. I have been having more nights where I can't sleep through the night.

Also, I think my emotions fluctuate more drastically before my period and around ovulation, making me more prone to pessimism. To deal with these mood swings, I try to talk to someone about how I'm feeling. I often find myself feeling depressed, so I've made it a habit to check in with friends over the phone, even if we can't meet in person, and share our latest updates. This makes me feel so much better, and taking a breather helps me change my mood.

-Looking back on your period, what do you think now?

I think my perception of menstruation has changed dramatically depending on my living environment and rhythm. I used to think of menstruation as a nuisance, but now I see it as something mystical. Some women around the world are returning their menstrual blood to the land, with various reasons for doing so, from feeling a personal connection to the earth to nourishing and giving back to nature. Just as indigenous peoples did, there is a growing movement to once again cherish menstruation as something sacred. Since I began living in my current land, rich in nature, my encounters with the forest and people have made me more acutely aware of the connection between my body and nature. I hope that we can first experience the joy of having a uterus before we are blessed with a life, and that children of the future will learn this perspective from an early age so that they can cherish their bodies.

For a long time, I'd been carrying the weight of my abortion on my own, but now that I have a daughter, I've been thinking about how best to tell her about it. Even though I have the choice not to give birth, I have to keep the abortion documented every time I go for a checkup at the hospital or give birth. It's something that will stay with me forever. Even if you know you have the right, it's difficult to let go of your feelings. That's why I want to be an adult who can support my children so they don't feel lonely. I want to have a relationship with my children where we can talk about sensitive topics, including sex. In the process, I want to use my own experiences, which weren't always positive, in communicating with them. With that in mind, sharing your period with your children could be one way to foster a strong parent-child relationship.

"My Period" aims to provide an opportunity to think about and talk about menstruation, an issue that is often hidden, by recording and sharing how people of various generations and backgrounds have dealt with it. It does not endorse any specific products, services, or methods of coping. The content posted is based on each person's personal experience, so if you have any symptoms that concern you, please consult a medical institution.