My Period Vol.018 - Periods used to be something to hide, but now I want to talk more with different people

xiangyu, 30 years old, artist

Menarche: 2nd year of junior high school (age 13)

Current average period length: 6-7 days

Current average menstrual cycle: 29 days

Current menstrual products: Murmo menstrual cup, panty liners, thin disposable pads, organic cotton pads

-What day is your period?

The worst feeling day

-What image comes to mind when you hear the word "menstruation"?

Negative image

- From here on, I'd like to look back on half of my life, focusing on menstruation. When was your first period? How do you remember it?

It happened when I was in my second year of junior high school, while I was at school. When I noticed, my underwear was pretty soiled, but I got a pad from a friend, put it on my soiled underwear, and wore my gym pants under my uniform skirt to get through it. Since I went to an all-girls school, it was fine. But I felt uncomfortable with the dirty feeling, so I got a spare pair of shorts from the nurse's office and changed into them. I think everyone knew that you could get a spare pair of shorts from the nurse's office, as it was shared among students rather than something the school told us about. I had a late period, so I had heard of my friends using it.

When I got home, I told my mom that I had my period, but she just reacted with something like "Oh, I see," and then she quietly gave me sanitary products and that was it. We didn't have red rice or anything, and it didn't really have any kind of celebratory feeling to it. Because my mom was that type of person, I think that's when I started to think that "period is something to hide."

-Is there anything you remember from your period in junior high school after that?

When I was in junior high school, I wasn't aware of my menstrual cycle at all, so I didn't know when my period would come, and I often didn't have sanitary napkins when it did. There was a system in place where you could borrow sanitary napkins from the nurse's office and then return them, but I think I would first borrow sanitary napkins from the girls in my class and help each other out.

I remember that around this time, my period during PE class was extremely difficult. The teacher in charge of PE was a typical athletic-minded, older guy who wouldn't allow students to miss class for "not feeling well" and encouraged students to "get through it with determination." So, I had to tell my male teacher that I was having a hard time with my period in order to miss class. However, I was very embarrassed to tell my male teacher that I was on my period, so I always felt anxious about what to do when I had a difficult period during PE class. What's more, I attended a private junior and senior high school, so there was very little teacher turnover and I had the same teacher for six years. So, I struggled with this for a long time. However, by my second or third year of high school, I'd gotten used to the school and my teachers and was able to tell them. Even so, when other students told their teachers, I would make excuses like, "I'm also going to miss class for the same reason as Mr./Ms. XX." I think this is because I'd always had the mindset that "periods are something to hide."

By the way, that doesn't mean I was always able to skip gym class when I had a difficult period; there were many times when I couldn't bring myself to ask for it and just endured it. I remember running in shorts on a cold day and feeling physically exhausted afterwards.

-How did you change when you became a high school student?

Going back a little, I had been doing classical ballet since I was six years old, and I was underweight. Looking back, that may have been a factor in my delayed menarche. My ballet teacher told me, "You'll gain weight and your body will change a lot by the time you reach high school," but in fact, nothing changed at all when I entered high school.

Once I entered high school, I became even more conscious of my figure and paid attention to what I ate to avoid gaining weight, so much so that I was so underweight that I even got flagged up during my health checkups. Maybe that's why my periods became more irregular than they were in middle school. They were all over the place, and I think there were periods where they stopped altogether. When I was in high school, my periods were completely irregular. But I didn't suspect I was pregnant, so I didn't pay much attention to them. Maybe because I only had periods occasionally, they would come all at once and be heavy, with a lot of flow, and I felt really unwell, which was really tough.

I wonder what I did at school when I had a hard time with my period. I didn't go to school on time every day to begin with, so I don't think I went to class when I wasn't feeling well. I think I would go to the art room, spend some time relaxing talking with the art teacher, and then go to class once I felt better.

-Have you experienced any changes since graduating from high school and into your 20s?

I entered a fashion school and my life became very busy. I had a lot of assignments, so I would attend classes in the morning, then go home, work at home until 3am, sleep for a few hours, and then go back to school the next morning. However, around this time I had quit ballet and gradually gained about 5kg, so I don't think I would miss my period for two or three months like I did in high school. Still, it didn't feel like my period came regularly every month.

Maybe it was because I was getting less sleep, but I noticed swelling before and during my period, something I'd never experienced before. I thought to myself every time, "So that's what swelling feels like," and the swelling problem hasn't gone away yet. I wonder if this is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.

I never went to a gynecologist when I was a student. That's because at the time, my image of a gynecologist was "a place to go if you get pregnant." When I met someone taking the pill when I was around 20 years old, I remember thinking that they were so grown-up. Looking back, a gynecologist was the furthest thing from my mind at the time, and I didn't feel like relying on them or asking for advice.

I graduated from a four-year fashion school and entered the workforce, and I think my first year was the most disciplined period of my life. I joined a company in the Hokuriku region as a new graduate, where work started at 8:30am and finished at 5pm. This led to a disciplined lifestyle of going to bed early and getting up early. Furthermore, I lived alone in the countryside, so I would go out drinking until late at night, and there were no places to eat out, so I cooked for myself since I had the time.

There's one thing that made a lasting impression on me from back then. I was working for an apparel company, and it was like a factory, where once you started on the production line it was hard to leave, and the atmosphere was such that it was hard to ask people around you, "Do you have sanitary napkins?" So when I suddenly got my period while at work, I remember wrapping toilet paper around my shorts and getting through it. It was really tough emotionally, and I thought, "I can't do this!" When I was a student, it was good because I could borrow sanitary napkins from friends or quickly go to the nearest convenience store to buy some, but it was tough being in an environment where I couldn't do that.

I then quit that company after a year and returned to Tokyo. I started working as an assistant at a costume design studio, and although the work was busy, I rarely went to the studio and mostly worked from home, so even on days when I wasn't feeling well because of my period, I could work at home holding a hot water bottle, take breaks when I was feeling tired, and it was a great environment where I could find ways to make myself as comfortable as possible.

At the age of 24, I started working in an atelier while pursuing my artistic career. I don't want to blame it on my work, but it was around this time that my autonomic nervous system disorder, which I developed at age 11 due to problems at school and home, began to worsen. Especially before my period, I would feel so unwell that I couldn't control either my mind or my body. I think it was severe PMS. However, at the time, I didn't even know the term PMS. Thanks to online media in recent years, I've had more opportunities to come across information on how to deal with PMS, and I began to think that I might have it too. But I didn't go to the gynecologist for PMS.

I was experiencing large mood swings, such as irritability and depression, regardless of my period, probably because my autonomic nervous system was out of balance, so I thought I should get checked for autonomic nervous system disorder again, and went to another hospital.As a result, I was told to take medicine and see how it went.

By the way, I once went to a gynecologist hoping to do something about my period pain. I was prescribed a low-dose birth control pill, but the side effects made me feel sick, so I gave up on it right away. The nausea was so bad that I didn't feel like trying a different pill.

Before my period, I get swelling and rashes around my eyes, my temples swell and give me headaches, my legs swell so much I can't sleep at night, and I experience all sorts of other discomforts, so I still think to myself every day that periods are really tough!

As for menstrual products, I started using a menstrual cup a few months ago, and now I can comfortably do hot yoga on the first and second days of my period. It works great. Also, during live performances, I rarely had the chance to change my menstrual products, and I was worried about leaking on my costume, but now I don't have to worry about those things, so it's great.

-Looking back on your period, what do you think now?

Today's conversation made me realize things like, "Oh, that was PMS," or, "I thought it was normal, but it was a special symptom." If you don't have knowledge about your body or menstruation or anyone to turn to, you end up making all your own decisions, which is scary. But I'm scared of going to the gynecologist...or rather, I still have an image of gynecologists as being intimidating, so I hope I can learn more about them and become more familiar with them.

"My Period" aims to provide an opportunity to think about and talk about menstruation, an issue that is often hidden, by recording and sharing how people of various generations and backgrounds have dealt with it. It does not endorse any specific products, services, or methods of coping. The content posted is based on each person's personal experience, so if you have any symptoms that concern you, please consult a medical institution.