My Period Vol.013 - Things I learned about my body and mind over time I can now say, "My body is mine"
Renna Hata, 39 years old, writer/editor. First period: 13 years old, first year of junior high school.
Current average period length: 4 days (withdrawal bleeding period with pills)
Current average menstrual cycle: 30 days Current sanitary products used: absorbent underwear, disposable napkins
-What day is your period?
Now that I can control it myself with the pill, it's no longer something special.
-What image comes to mind when you hear the word "menstruation"?
Negative things, painful things, difficult things, things that were once out of control
- From here on, I'd like to look back on half of my life, focusing on menstruation. When was your first period? How do you remember it?
When I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, I had my first period, and I remember running home that day and saying on the intercom, "Mom, I'm on my period!" At the time, menstruation was a sensational event among girls, and there was a sense that having a period was something adult and cool, so I was really happy at the time. However, that was the only time I had menstrual blood, and in the end I never found out if it was my period.
Then, when I was 13 and in my first year of junior high school, I actually got my period. At that time, everyone around me was getting their period but I wasn't, so I was worried, but I thought, "Finally, it's here!" But I don't remember ever excitedly telling my mother that I had gotten my period. I think I was pretty calm about it.
I don't remember much about my period in middle school, but that means it wasn't that painful.
-Please tell me about your time in high school.
Around high school, my period pains started getting worse, and I started experiencing mood swings before my period. Even my friends would say things like, "It's because I'm about to get my period," so I knew that I was just feeling unsettled before my period. At the time, I wasn't able to analyze myself deeply, so I didn't really understand it, but I remember that at a certain point, I would find myself fighting with my boyfriend every time, and I would get irritated easily, and he was fed up with it too.
He was my childhood friend and we started dating around the time we graduated from junior high school.We both had no qualms about having sex during our periods, so we would lay a towel down when I was on my period.
-What changes or events have occurred since you became a university student?
Our relationship continued for a long time, and when I was just 19, I became pregnant. At the time, he had just entered a vocational school, and I had just entered university, so we decided to have an abortion. We were very worried about telling our parents, and we both got down on our knees and begged them to tell us.
After the surgery, I needed to get injections, so I went to the hospital, which was more painful than the surgery itself. It made me realize that even though we'd conceived a child together, I was now doing everything on my own. After a while, my period started again, and every time it came, I was reminded of the abortion. Of course, I was constantly thinking about it, but the physical experience of remembering it was a much stronger sensation. I felt like I couldn't forget it physically. While I was stuck there, he seemed to be moving forward with a new life on his own, and didn't seem to be suffering at all, so I felt like my heart was twisted. However, we later started living together, and after I entered the workforce, we got married. I don't know about him, but deep down, I think I felt like I had to take responsibility for the abortion.
Going back a little, when I was a university student, my period pains got worse and worse, and I often had to call an ambulance. I would almost pass out from the pain of my period while out and about, and I would panic and call an ambulance, but it was strange because I would be fine when I got to the hospital. In fact, my sister was in a similar situation, so my mother was worried that it might be something in the family or something physical, but although she asked me what to do, she didn't do anything in particular.
However, once when I was taken to the hospital by ambulance, I was told that if my period pain was that bad, I should get checked out, so I went to a gynecologist. I was told I had polycystic ovary syndrome, but I was only in my early 20s at the time, so I didn't really understand what he meant, and the doctor didn't say anything about treatment, so I left it without thinking too much about it. At the time, I thought, "periods are painful and difficult, and there's nothing I can do about it," and my thinking stopped.
-How did you deal with menstruation after entering the workforce?
I ended up divorcing my husband and found a new partner at age 27, but my contraception failed and I became pregnant again. The doctor told me, "You have polycystic ovary syndrome, which makes it very difficult for you to conceive naturally, with a 96% chance of not getting pregnant naturally," and "You should think about the fact that you were able to conceive under difficult circumstances, and that you may not be able to conceive easily in the future." To be honest, I was troubled, but he couldn't accept it. I didn't have the confidence to give birth and raise a child on my own, so I had no choice but to choose an abortion.
At the time, it felt like the pregnancy had ended in one go, and I didn't have much time to feel any pain, and I was able to go to work the day after the surgery. At the time, I was working in jewelry sales at a department store, and I was always standing there smiling as I served customers, but I had just had an abortion the day before, and I was feeling extremely sad and unwell. I remember standing in the store, wondering why things had happened.
Perhaps I was still feeling unwell, but after that I started to have a lot of vaginal discharge. When I stood up, the discharge would come out like pee, right up to my ankles, but I didn't go to the hospital. I always had this strange feeling around my uterus, but I didn't know what to do. I had to work, I lived alone, and I didn't have the time at the time to go to the gynecologist.
Looking back, it's strange, why didn't I go to the hospital? I can't understand it at all. I wonder why I was so alone. I didn't talk about my period or my body to anyone around me. I don't remember talking about it at work or with my friends, so I feel like I was lonely in that respect.
Before I started working in jewelry sales, I worked at a publishing company. I joined the company as a new graduate and worked hard to become an editor, which had always been my dream, but things weren't as easy as I had hoped, and I ended up taking a three-month leave of absence. I couldn't eat, I lost a lot of weight, and I stopped having my period for six months. But I was so busy with work that I didn't have time to think about my body, and I was so overwhelmed every day that I couldn't do anything.
Although I managed to return to work after taking a leave of absence, I was still mentally unstable and couldn't work as well as before, and on top of that, I got divorced, so I decided to give up on my dream of becoming an editor. Looking back, those were very difficult times. I think I lived my life blaming something, thinking that I had become like this because I had had to have an abortion.
-But then you returned to work in the publishing industry. What was your period like in your 30s?
After I turned 30, I continued working as an editor and writer, just like I do now. One day, I was covering a sex education event. A gynecologist was speaking on the topic of sex education and abortion, and she said, "Abortion is a choice, and there's no need to think of it as a sin or punishment. It's a choice you make for your own life." Until then, I'd lived with the feeling that I had to live with that guilt, so I'd tried to hide my abortion from others and hadn't forgiven myself. So, while I was surprised by her words, I also felt a deep sense of relief. Looking back, I realized for the first time that I was happy because I wanted to work and hadn't imagined raising children. That's when I realized I had to spread these kinds of messages. I decided to use this work to spread information about sex and women's lives. I knew there must be many women out there like me.
After that, I started to actively seek out information, and I learned more and more about menstruation and the female body. I realized that the things I had been ignoring until then were serious and I regretted not finding out sooner.
After that, I wrote an article about low-dose birth control pills for an online publication. I interviewed them with the intention of learning more, and although I was of course aware of their existence, I only thought of them as a form of birth control. When I learned that they could also help relieve PMS, I saw no reason not to take them myself, so I decided to give them a try. I was happy to be making an active choice for my body. I was in my mid-30s at the time, and hadn't yet decided whether or not to have children. Considering the possibility that I might have children, I thought that stopping ovulation and protecting my uterus and ovaries was something I could do myself.
However, low-dose birth control pills also have compatibility issues depending on your constitution, and I was a bit worried at first, but after about three months, my body got used to them, and I no longer felt so upset by my hormone balance. My bleeding also came at set times, so I was able to prepare myself mentally, and most importantly, I gained a sense of security knowing I could control my own cycle. My attitude toward my period, which I had previously thought of as painful and difficult, something I couldn't help, has completely changed. I've been taking low-dose birth control pills ever since.
-Looking back on your period, what do you think?
Having an abortion changed not only my period but also the way I viewed my body, and I think I always thought it was natural for me to feel pain because I had had an abortion. But when my doctor told me that abortion was a choice, I finally realized that I could also choose to think about my own body. I think that's what SRHR (Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights) is all about, and it gave me a sense of "my body is mine." This made me interested in myself, and it completely changed the direction of my desire to seek out information and work in that field. I realized that my abortion experience and menstruation are closely related, as I began to think that I might be able to do something about my period issues.
"My Period" aims to provide an opportunity to think about and talk about menstruation, an issue that is often hidden, by recording and sharing how people of various generations and backgrounds have dealt with it. It does not endorse any specific products, services, or methods of coping. The content posted is based on each person's personal experience, so if you have any symptoms that concern you, please consult a medical institution.
