My Period Vol.004 - Infertility treatment with no end in sight. Periods are emotionally draining and a reset sentence.

MN, 43 years old, housewife/freelancer. First period: 10 years old. Current average number of menstrual days: 4 days. Current average menstrual cycle: 24-35 days. Current sanitary products used: menstrual cup, absorbent underwear, sanitary napkins.


-What day is your period?

Reset


-What image comes to mind when you hear the word "menstruation"?

Discouragement, despair


-From here on, I'd like to look back on half of my life, focusing on menstruation. When was your first period? How do you remember it?

I think I got my first period when I was in the fourth or fifth grade, around 10 years old. In class, our teacher said that tall girls often get their period earlier. I was the tallest girl in my class at the time, so I panicked and thought, "What? It hasn't come yet..." and from then on, I checked every time I went to the bathroom (lol). In the end, my period came about six months after I forgot to check. I remember feeling relieved when my period came, but also embarrassed.

My grandmother lived with us, so of course we had red rice. I don't really like red rice, but I remember thinking calmly that it was okay as long as it made my grandmother happy.
Also, although my mother prepared sanitary products for me, they were only prepared based on her sense of menstrual flow (looking back, it seems she was the type who only used a small amount), and the mysterious calculation of 2-4 pads per day was never enough.
At the time, my mother was pregnant with my younger brother, and was suffering from morning sickness and feeling irritable. For some reason, I felt embarrassed to tell her that we didn't have enough sanitary products, so I remember it being extremely difficult, layering toilet paper on top of my pads and using a towel like a sumo mawashi when I went to bed.

Although I was a child, I tried various things to prevent it from leaking, so I would usually wash it in the bathroom at dawn.
I remember being a little happy when I discovered that water helps with menstrual blood loss.


-And then, what about when you became an adult?

In my 20s, I used both tampons and napkins. I had normal period pain. Because of my job at the time, I often had to eat and drink with clients, and I often ate and drank while taking medication for period pain. (This is a no-no, absolutely not.)
In my late 20s, I started to experience heavier menstrual bleeding that resembled liver clots. I mentioned this to a friend and she recommended taking the pill, so I took it for about a year. However, the side effects were so severe that I ended up going back to tampons and pads.

I had never really thought much about periods, but once I entered my mid-30s and began infertility treatment, periods became painful, cruel, and difficult.

I won't go into the details of infertility treatment, but we tried everything from timing to AIH to natural methods to low-stimulation to high-stimulation.
Numerous tests, painful treatments, 2-3 hours of clinic time each time, and high costs every time.
You start running a marathon with no finish line in sight, but when your period comes, you're back at the starting point again.
I gradually began to dread my period, and there were times when I would cry just looking at my menstrual blood.


-How did it go from then until now?

After several miscarriages, I was blessed with a son and a daughter. I gave birth to my daughter last year in my 40s, and my period returned about six months later, but I still feel a bit like I've "reset" when I see my period blood, which scares me.

My menstrual cycle has become shorter and my flow has decreased, but my PMS symptoms (especially PMDD) have become stronger. I somehow feel like my body is heading towards the next stage, menopause.

I also started using a menstrual cup this year after seeing a friend using one.
I've been able to ease some of the things I had to endure up until now, such as bathing my 5-year-old son, carrying a lot of luggage when going out, and the hassle of changing pads and tampons, and my period blues have become a little less depressing.
Also, I can check the amount of menstrual blood I have every time using a menstrual cup, and I find myself feeling a little happy when I see that there is more blood than usual.


-Looking back on your period, what do you think?

When I was a student, I thought it was just a period, but now I think it's still a period.
As I (probably) head towards the stage of menopause, what I can do is not to endure it, but to rely on anything (medicine, medicine, products, technology, and the people around me).

Another thing I will do is not cook red rice when my daughter, who is now one year old, gets her first period.

"My Period" aims to provide an opportunity to think about and talk about menstruation, an issue that is often hidden, by recording and sharing how people of various generations and backgrounds have dealt with it. It does not endorse any specific products, services, or methods of coping. The content posted is based on each person's personal experience, so if you have any symptoms that concern you, please consult a medical institution.