My Period Vol.006 - The frustration of menstruation and the pain of taking it out on others. I felt so bad I went to the gynecologist.

AS 22 years old New graduate company employee First period: Early summer of fourth grade (age 9)
Current average period length: 7-8 days
Current average menstrual cycle: 29-31 days Current menstrual products used: Disposable napkins, tampons


-What day is your period?

The day I realized I was a woman, for better or worse.


-What image comes to mind when you hear the word "menstruation"?

Friends from far away. Imagine a friend from far away coming over regularly.


- From here on, I'd like to look back on half of my life, focusing on menstruation. When was your first period? How do you remember it?

It was early summer when I was in the fourth grade of elementary school. This is a bit embarrassing to say, but when I was in elementary school, I had a hard time using the toilet. When you're young, you don't have pubic hair, so urine gets all over the place. So every time I went to the toilet, I had to completely remove my pants and put them outside before I could pee.
I hated that, so I tried not to go to the toilet in elementary school.

When I got my first period, I didn't go to the toilet at school, but when I went to the toilet after coming home, I noticed brownish blood that had already clotted. This continued for about three days, but I didn't realize it was my period, so I just put it in the laundry as usual. Then my parents noticed while doing the laundry and said, "Maybe you're on your period," and that's when I first wondered, "What is a period?"
I was still at a grade where we hadn't yet studied menstruation at school, so I was like, "What is menstruation? What does it involve?"
While I was still not sure what to do, my mother prepared everything I needed, including sanitary napkins, period panties, and, since I was growing quickly and my breasts were getting bigger, a bra.

People often talk about red rice, but in our house it wasn't treated like an event. They would prepare the essential items like napkins and say, "This is what you need," and we would just enjoy it.
So, I think it took me a while to recognize the concept of menstruation. But I got used to it naturally, and before I knew it, I was using the things that were available and just accepting it.
I still use the same sanitary napkins I used back then, so I think my parents just happened to provide me with ones that suited me perfectly.

In both elementary and junior high school, I never thought it was embarrassing to bring sanitary napkins to school. I think it's normal to have a pouch to carry your sanitary napkins in, but I didn't know that, so my parents bought me a foldable handkerchief and said, "Just put your sanitary napkins in this and you'll be fine," and I used that to carry my sanitary products during my period. I really had no problem accepting the idea of ​​carrying sanitary products with me.


-Did you participate in any club activities in middle or high school? How did you handle your period?

I played basketball in junior high school and light music in high school.
Since basketball is played in a small gym that's like a steam bath, sweat pours out of my whole body like a waterfall, and it was around this time that I started to feel the discomfort of my period. However, changing my pads every time was a pain, so I started wearing 30cm night pads both day and night. I did this because smaller sizes would leak, but unfortunately, during summer club activities, I would get soaked, right down to my tailbone, and it would itch. I would also use my period as an excuse to skip club activities and say, "I'm going to the bathroom."

Maybe because I'm an anxious person, I used overnight pads for most of my period.
Furthermore, not only was my period blood heavy, but my vaginal discharge was also heavy, and with panty liners, the sheets would fall apart and my discharge would overflow, so I used 21cm pads every day, even outside of my period. I was using disposable pads 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and looking back, I realize that I was putting a financial burden on my parents.
I didn't talk to anyone about my excessive vaginal discharge or go to a gynecologist. Until I was in high school, I just thought, "That's just how it is," and didn't feel strange about it. My parents never mentioned it, and I didn't have anything to say about it either, so I thought it was fine.


-Have you noticed any changes from when you were a university student to now, your first year in the workforce?

During my first year of university, I stayed at home all day because of COVID-19, so nothing in particular happened. In my second year, I met someone I liked, and although we weren't in a romantic relationship, we ended up having a relationship from the summer of my second year until my third year, and I ended up getting pregnant. I noticed that I hadn't had my period, but it took me about three months to realize I was pregnant.
I found out when I mentioned it to a close friend in my group. He told me, "You should definitely get tested, just to put your mind at ease," so I went to the pharmacy by myself, got tested, and found out.
Even when my period stopped, I didn't suspect pregnancy because I thought it was caused by stress, and I was feeling stressed about my partner at the time, so I vaguely thought there was no way I could get pregnant. Perhaps I didn't want to acknowledge the possibility of pregnancy.
I think I was lucky because if my friend hadn't told me, I would have noticed it much later.
At that time, it was more painful for me mentally than physically. I talked about it a lot with my partner, but in the end I had the surgery and said goodbye to both my partner and the baby in my womb.
At that time, my gynecologist recommended that I take the pill, which I did, but after three months, it became difficult to continue at my own expense, so I stopped going to the gynecologist.

But then I started dating someone else, and we dated for a year and a half before breaking up last month, but we never had sex. Of course we did touch each other, but we never went all the way, and nothing had happened since the abortion.

Last winter, towards the end of my senior year of college, I started to feel like my PMS was getting worse, so I went to the gynecologist for the first time in a while. However, I was told that they couldn't prescribe the pill to people with headaches, and they suggested a supplement that was more expensive than the pill. Since that wasn't possible, I decided to just live with my PMS and stopped going to the gynecologist again.
I think my abortion may have been the trigger for my worsening PMS. I don't know if it was psychological or physical, but I started to experience extremely negative symptoms. When I met my boyfriend during PMS, I would become selfish and negative, and I would start fantasizing about things that weren't true...it was like I had anxiety neurosis. But the day before my period started, I would feel fine again, and I would reflect on how negative I had been a few days earlier.
However, I didn't think it was something that could be cured by taking medicine, and I thought it was something that could be avoided if I was more conscious of it.
Because of this, it may be that my ex-boyfriend dumped me a month ago, but I don't think that taking the medication earlier would have made the symptoms go away. Also, I've become busy since starting work, and now I have so much to work and study that I can't even think about PMS, so I feel like I should put it aside for now.

The reason I went to the gynecologist for PMS in the first place wasn't because I was suffering, but because I felt sorry for the people around me. I had clearly taken my negativity out on others, and I thought, "This is not good," so rather than relieving my own pain, it was more a way to maintain interpersonal relationships.
However, I wasn't prescribed the pill and was recommended supplements, so I thought maybe I could avoid it if I was more conscious of it, and I decided to be conscious of it and act accordingly. I had been keeping track of my menstrual cycle, so I knew when PMS was coming, and when it did, I understood, "Now is the bad time for me," and tried to be on guard. I've gotten to the point where I think, "Usually I would say this, but now I say this, so it's dangerous, so I'll try not to say it." But sometimes my facial expressions still show, so recently when my boss at work asks me, "What's wrong?" I tell him, "I'm just about to get my period."
It's not something to hide, and if you tell people you're about to get your period, they'll just say, "Oh," and leave it at that.
I also try not to think too deeply about it. Even if I'm conscious of it, it can show in my attitude, so if it does show, I reflect on it afterwards and then remember it again the following month.

Compared to me, I think it must be harder for people who suffer more visibly, like with severe period pain or heavy flow. Mentally, I'm not sure if it's really PMS that's the problem, or if I'm just thinking negatively, and I often forget about it once I've slept. I don't spend money on supplements or anything like that, but I try to deal with it myself, like watching my favorite idols to cheer me up.


-Looking back on your period, what do you think?

I think I compare the difficulty of my period to that of others. That means that the people around me are probably having a harder time than me. I sometimes feel like I'll be a bad person if I say that I'm having a hard time, even though other people are.
When I was in high school, I saw my friends up close who couldn't move, couldn't get up, couldn't go to school, and even when they did go to school, would come home crying, so my period, which wasn't painful or difficult and seemed normal to me, felt like something I just had to get through. But I want to understand the pain other girls are going through, so I recognize that there are girls like that and I empathize with their pain, but I try not to talk about my own, and I don't think I recognize periods as something painful.

I've come to think that my physical condition is more influenced by my original condition, such as the effects of an abortion or a broken heart, so when it comes to my period, I find it easier to just enjoy the other week out of the four weeks and act as if nothing is wrong during that week.

Periods feel like a faraway friend who comes over by boat, or a cousin who is close but you don't talk to every day.

"My Period" aims to provide an opportunity to think about and talk about menstruation, an issue that is often hidden, by recording and sharing how people of various generations and backgrounds have dealt with it. It does not endorse any specific products, services, or methods of coping. The content posted is based on each person's personal experience, so if you have any symptoms that concern you, please consult a medical institution.